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As the saying goes, the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry. About a month ago, I wrote a post on my father-in-law’s health situation. Sadly, just a few days after it went live, he passed away.
Those of you who followed this blog from the beginning know that many of my trips involved in-laws. We are an extremely close family, and there are no words to describe the devastating effect that his death had on all of us. I won’t even try. We are no longer a pack of seven, but a pack of six. This is the new normal.
In the meantime, I had several reservations in his name that needed to be canceled. That’s what this post will primarily focus on. But before I get into that, I want to say a few things.
A death of a loved one in a lot of ways brings clarity. Suddenly the things that truly matter are in sharp focus. And the things that don’t, fade away into the background. Spoiler alert! Miles/points/credit cards are in the latter category.
That being said, it surprised me just how much trips matter in the end. Sure, we all know that family travel is important. Look at the name of the blog. I’ve said it so many times, I started to sound like a lame motivational speaker.
But the thing is, the cliché happens to be 100% true. In his last days a good portion of our conversations revolved around travel we’ve done together as a family. We were so immensely grateful for every trip, every unique experience.
He loved his visit to South Africa in 2010
Unfortunately, his trip to Japan this summer was not meant to be. Based on his health situation, I knew the odds were not in our favor. But I was hoping that somehow he would bounce back. He always has before.
My FIL insisted that we go ahead with the plan and have a good time regardless. My daughter mentioned to him that after we spread his ashes in the Gulf of Mexico, they may travel through the Panama Canal and make their way to Japan in time for our visit. He loved it. I thought it was kind of awesome and simultaneously weird thing to say for an 11-year old. That’s the Russian/Jewish side of her coming out.
The process of canceling award tickets
We’ve purchased trip insurance for my in-laws, but I didn’t want to mess with it unless absolutely necessary. For one, the process is usually lengthy and requires mailing documents. Another reason is the fact that my FIL was listed on the same policy as his wife and daughter. I was afraid it would nullify their travel insurance for which we paid a good bit of money.
That’s why I decided to simply contact airlines and ask them to re-deposit miles without penalty. In my linked post I’ve mentioned that Delta has changed the departure time for our LAX-Orlando flight. So, I was able to contact them via Twitter and get miles back without an issue. I was surprised by how quickly the rep responded and took care of everything. Definitely give Twitter a try if you find yourself in the same situation.
I also needed to cancel his ticket from Orlando to Osaka (booked via Avianca Lifemiles) and ticket from Tokyo to LAX (via British Airways Avios). Let me share my experience.
1)British Airways
I called BA and was told that I would need to email my FIL’s death certificate to callba.loyalty@ba.com, and the miles would be re-deposited without penalty. Naturally, they wanted me to include my Avios number as well as record locator.
Keep in mind that it takes several weeks to get the death certificate, so if your trip is around the corner, it could be an issue. In that case, you may have to pay the penalty and request a refund later. You could also offer to fax a newspaper announcement, but YMMV.
I did eventually email the copy of the document and got a reply several days later. I was told that they put a note in the reservation and that I would need to call and request a penalty-free refund. I thought that was a convoluted process. Why couldn’t they just issue a refund right then? Nevertheless, I called BA and had to explain the whole thing again. The agent was super confused, but eventually everything was sorted out. Or so I thought.
A few days later I checked my account and saw that BA has refunded the miles (25,750) and then removed them the next day for some reason. Ugh. I called them again and had to explain everything again. This time the rep was trying to convince me that the miles were probably re-deposited into my husband’s Avios account. They were not.
She put me on long hold and came back to tell me that BA system made a mistake. No kidding. But she promised me that it would be fixed in a few days and told me to call back. At that point I lost it. I wasn’t upset at her, it was more of a feeling of defeat. My FIL’s ticket was gone. The miles were gone. He was gone. I was crying on the phone and felt like a total fool.
The rep felt sorry for me and gave me her extension number. She promised to take care of everything and that I would not need to call back. She kept her word and miles re-appeared in 48 hours. She even called me to make sure I was satisfied.
While I was impressed with this one rep, I was extremely disappointed in how BA handled the whole thing. But in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t really matter. And I got my miles in the end.
Just a week later I got a notification that the flight time has changed, so I probably could have gotten a refund without jumping through all the hops. Go figure.
2) Avianca Lifemiles
I’ll admit, based on my previous interactions with Avianca, I expected the worst. But Avianca surprised me in a good way. I was told to email my FIL’s death certificate to support@lifemiles.com, which I did. I got a reply the following day telling me they escalated the request to the relevant department.
About a week later, I got another email telling me my 35,000 miles were re-deposited without penalty. I didn’t have to make 5 phone calls or endure the aggravation of explaining myself over and over again. They did keep the $25 Star Alliance booking fee, but oh well.
So, in the end we got all the miles back without shelling out any fees, aside from that $25. I’m not going to bother making a trip insurance claim for this puny amount.
I imagine the same type of policy will apply to those who are physically unable to travel. The only difference is you will need to email a statement from your doctor.
Handling my FIL’s loyalty accounts
Fortunately, he didn’t have a lot of miles and points, but we took steps to make sure they don’t go to waste. While he was still alive, we used up all of his IHG points and put my SIL as a second guest. I also transferred his Radisson points to my account (free). I’m listed as an authorized party, so he didn’t even have to join the call.
Things were a bit more tricky when it came to his AAdvantage miles. Most frequent flyer programs have cruel rules that don’t allow transfers. So basically, if you die, the miles usually die as well. See post What happens to your points and miles when you die?
Since my FIL paid for these AA miles via annual fees on old version of Barclays Aviator card, we weren’t about to hand them over to AAdvantage. I told my MIL to simply use them in the future and book tickets in her name. I do my best to play by the rules, but this is an exception. She paid for his AA miles (34,000 in total), she is keeping them.
This underscores how important it is to know log-in information for your loved one’s frequent flyer accounts. Accumulating points requires time, effort and often money, and most folks would want their relatives to benefit from all the rigamarole. I know I would.
Nobody wants to think about dying and leaving piles of miles that no-one can access, but it can happen. I recommend the post on Travel Codex that deals with this type of challenge.
Bottom line
I hope the post was useful since it deals with the topic that rarely gets coverage. Obviously, canceling award tickets and messing with mileage accounts of a deceased is an unpleasant task. But it had to be done.
To conclude, I would like to encourage you to take a trip with your parents or in-laws this year. Speaking from experience, it’s one of the best gifts you can give your children. Don’t wait till the timing is just right, it may never be.
As for me, I’ve decided to visit my family in Europe next year. I wasn’t planning on it and was originally shooting for 2022. But losing my FIL made me reassess my priorities. Sure, I would love to get to South America one of these days, but seeing my sister and nephews is more important. In the end, family is more important than travel.
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Author: Leana
Leana is the founder of Miles For Family. She enjoys beach vacations and visiting her family in Europe. Originally from Belarus, Leana resides in central Florida with her husband and two children.
My husband passed away this summer so I tried the trick of logging into his account to use his miles. The system let me put the ticket into my name and all went smoothly until I got to the $11.00 fee. It won’t take a credit card that’s not in his name! And I canceled all of his cards. I might just call them an beg for mercy, but be aware of this.
So very sorry for your loss. I wonder if you could have it debited from a checking account.
@Terri I’m so sorry for your loss! You may what to buy a prepaid gift card (Visa or MasterCard) at a grocery store and try using it for taxes. Let me know if it works.
Condolences to you and your family on the loss. So sorry to hear.
@Chuck I really appreciate it! So nice of you to stop by.
So sorry to hear the news Leana. It must a very difficult time for you all. I’ll be thinking of you.
I wanted to mention, about the insurance, I would read the fine print of the travel insurance policy and see if you can figure out the real rules. If a claim is made and your FIL’s name is no where to be found (like if a flight is canceled) they might find out anyway. If they rescind coverage they’d need to refund your premium payment. They can’t not cover you and keep the premium money at same time.
I guess I would prefer to know the coverage is in effect, before traveling, not after making claim. And I’d like to know that I’m paying the right amount – if you’re paying per person, maybe you can get a new policy with a price adjustment on what you paid if there’s one less person on policy.
But maybe letting it go will work for you. Just throwing out some thoughts for consideration as a former insurance agent and claims adjuster!
@Talchinski Thanks for stopping by! You make a good point. I need to look into that travel insurance policy. I’m almost certain the coverage is per person. So, I can’t see how they can deny it for my MIL and SIL if it comes down to that. But perhaps we are required to notify them of my FIL’s death. I’m not even looking for a refund of the premium at this point. Of course, I won’t turn it down either.
So much to think about.
I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. My dad didn’t love to travel. He took a train across the U.S. and a Navy ship across the Pacific to fight in WWII. That was enough for him. When he passed 20 years ago, we started taking my 80-yr-old mother wherever she wanted to go. My kids and she still talk about those trips. She’s 100 now and gets too tired to travel. Her last trip was last year to see her newest great-grandchild and spend a couples days at the beach. She still has two trips on her bucket list (Rome and a cruise to Nova Scotia), but we checked off everything else.
My husband and I have workbooks we bought on Amazon called “I’m Dead. Now What?” They have instructions for our kids on passwords (LastPass), points & miles (Award Wallet), open credit cards (a password-protected spreadsheet), +++
My 5 kids are adults. I told them when I die to quickly book a fabulous trip with all of my points & miles and scatter my ashes… unless my mother is still around. She’ll want a traditional funeral. Mom dispelled that notion and said she doesn’t need a funeral. She wants to go on the fabulous trip with the kids and will find the energy somewhere.
@Dee Thank you for your thoughtful comment! I wish I could meet your mom. She sounds fabulous! 😉 Man, I hope I have this kind of spunk at 100. Ahh, who am I kidding? I will never make it to 100.
It is really neat that she is still able to travel, albeit at a slower pace. My in-laws loved Nova Scotia, and I hope you can take her there soon. Definitely easier than Rome, assuming you live in US.
Sorry for your news 🙁
Can you point to the site where you can transfer Radisson points? For some reason, I can’t find it
Thank you!
@SrS Due to having USBank Radisson credit card, my FIL had Gold status. It allows you to transfer Radisson Points to anyone for free. Silver status as well. I just had to call Radisson to do it. I did see that Radisson will transfer points for free upon death as well within a year, with proper documentation. But in my case it was easier to call and get it over with. I was listed as an authorized party on his Radisson account.
So sorry for your loss, Leana. My mom passed away a month ago at a pretty young age…. but she has been sick for a decade now so it wasn’t a complete surprise… but still an earth-shattering experience nonetheless as now I’m only in my mid-30s and both of my parents are gone (father passed suddenly of a heart attack in my 20s). And I was incredibly close to both of them (and I have no other blood-family now…).
My mom suffered from dementia at the end of her illness and I could not take care of her on my own anymore. My dad was her caretaker and I was the provider so when he passed I had to do both… so I found her a good nursing home that spoke her language and were incredibly caring. Then, I finally got married and finally pursued my dream of starting my travel blog with my husband. Two years into our journey (and flying back like 6 times a year to see her), she departed. I kind of feel like an adult orphan now.
I will forever feel guilty that I could not continue taking care of her, but being a caregiver and provider on my own in my 20s and early 30s was incredibly tough so I am trying not to be so hard on myself for pursuing my dream… I think my mom would have wanted that. I am just grateful that she died in my arms knowing (hopefully) that she was beyond loved by me.
I always envisioned taking my parents on vacations after I started making some decent money (as a thank you for all of their efforts as immigrant parents as they’ve just never taken a vacation), but I never got to do that… I am so jealous of my friends who post family vacation photos. but I find solace in knowing that at least they got to see me progress in my career (as an interpreter). I’m not sure if my mom understood me toward the end when I told her that I’m finally regarded as one of the top professionals in my field now. I hope she did. I hope I made her, and all of her sacrifices, proud.
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I just realized I blabbered about my story when my intention was to send you my heartfelt condolences and to add to the story that AA was very sympathetic and cancelled and returned all of our points in one phone call. We said we didn’t have the death certificate yet so they just took down the information of the cremation service we had chosen. AA miles were returned immediately and refunds were credited immediately also. Amtrak wasn’t really forgiving at all – they returned $40 out of the $200 booking we had made. All hotels and AIRBNB were incredibly understanding – they refunded us (all we had to do was send in the death certificate afterward). Maybe it’s because of the crematorium we had chosen, but we received the death certificate within a week.
My heart is with your family through this tough time, Leana, and I’m so so happy for you that you get to see your family earlier than you expected.
@Army Thank you so very much for sharing your story! I truly appreciate it. I’m very sorry for your loss. Wow, I had no idea so many of our readers have recently experienced tragedy in their lives.
And please, never apologize for making a comment of a personal nature. This isn’t some corporate blog that only specializes in delivering news items. We write for human beings and hope to inspire genuine human interaction.
I can’t even imagine what it’s like losing both parents at such a young age. Truly horrible, and not having a sibling just adds salt to the wound. I’m glad you have your loving husband by your side. Make sure to lean on him as much as you can at this difficult time. As hard as it was for me to lose my FIL, it’s ten times worse for my husband. His dad was his best friend, and they did everything together. This is an uncharted territory, but I make sure I’m there to listen and be a shoulder to cry on.
Also, please don’t feel guilty for putting your mom in a nursing home. My FIL’s situation was an eye-opening experience. It took our whole family to take care of him at home during his last weeks. We made a decision not to rely on nurses, but there is no way we could have done it for years or even months. It was so incredibly exhausting physically and emotionally.
Leana, sorry to hear about your loss. Держись
@Boris Spasibo! Appreciate you stopping by.
I’m so sorry Leana for your family’s loss. I had no idea, and can’t imagine how hard it is for everyone. Your daughter’s suggestion was very sweet; kids are the best to liven things up.
Thank you for the update….I guess I should call my mom.
@Stephanie I really appreciate it. Definitely call your mom! I actually need to call mine today. I really want to make an effort to have a closer relationship with my parents and sister. I feel like 99% of the time we just talk about superficial stuff.
So sorry for your loss,Leana. My prayers are with your family. Your FIL will be with you In spirit on your trip to Hawaii and Japan.
@Natasha So true! One request he made is that we talk about him while in Japan, which we will. He was so looking forward to going. Thank you so much for your kind words.
I am so very sorry for your loss. I was wondering why Nancy was mostly continuing the blog. So glad you are back. My mom is in a nursing home in Germany, and my husband and I will go back each year regardless what happens. So I understand your sentiment to visit your family.
@Hilde Thank you! I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you to have your mom in a nursing home with you being in the United States. I often worry about what will happen to my parents when they get older. Fortunately, my sister lives in the same city as they do. I would have to mostly help them financially. It’s an unsettling thing to think about, but something I will face eventually.
I’ve been posting now and again lately. We’ll see what happens. I was just talking to Nancy about increasing the number of posts written by me in a near future. Right now I am busy working at another job, but try to stop by here on occasion. I still love this blog and want it to thrive. Nancy has been a great partner, the best I could have asked for.
Leana, I am so sorry for your loss. Hugs for your family. I miss your posts. My brother-in-law who lived 3000 miles away from me just passed away. My family is completely devastated. It helps to have miles and points in place so when it was time for us to go – paying for the travel was the least of our concern.
@Winni3 Oh my goodness! I’m so very sorry. My condolences to you and your sister. That’s absolutely awful. Life is so precious and not something to take for granted. We hear it all the time, but when we face a loss, it takes on new meaning.
I’m glad that miles were helpful at this difficult time.
Leana,
I am so sorry for your loss. I love to read the trip reports and I was genuinely happy for you and for them when you guys went to Australia. A goor portion of my money goes on vacations. I make sure my son visits my home country as often possible and for the past 3 years I take a 2 week vacation with my mom and my brother.
Again my condolences to you and your husband and your kids.
@Tania Thank you so much! Always good to hear from you. I’m glad you are able to see your family in Brazil as often as you do.
Boy, you have no idea how happy we all are that he made that Australia/NZ/Fiji trip. If we put it off for just one more year, it wouldn’t have materialized. So grateful for all the memories we have made. He truly had an amazing life, and died surrounded by his loved ones. We should all be so lucky…
My dad recently had some health problems that will end his traveling. We were lucky to have traveled with my parents, they loved traveling, the past few years enjoying river cruises in Europe (Normandy was a highlight for my dad). From Hawaii to NYC to Disneyland we’ve had memorable trips, my kids absolutely love those memories. Seeing my dad’s rapid decline in the past 6 months make sure you’re traveling while parents are able. I think we may be able to swing a baseball trip with him but it’ll require a wheelchair now and we’ll only hit baseball then the hotel.
For the past while my parents have relied on me to help with their points use/management. This means I have access to their accounts, I’m not worried about finding/using their miles once they’re gone. Possibly more amusing and/or sobering is that before every major trip they’ve taken they’ve given me a printout of their financial locations, money manager, and logins to all their stuff. Now that I’m busy accruing money and savings I’m seeing the value in doing that. They’ve also asked me to be executor for them so they have just me to contact and my brothers don’t have to worry about much there.
Again, make sure you’re capturing every possible moment, even if it’s just visiting even local family (my parents live a mile from me yet I had seen them once a week until my dad’s health declined) more often.
@Robert I’m very sorry to hear about your dad’s health decline. Obviously, I don’t know your family personally, but can absolutely relate to the heartbreak of seeing your loved one slowly fade away. My FIL really started going downhill in the last six months or so. In retrospect, the writing was on the wall, so to speak. But we were in denial until the very end. Hope is always the last thing to die, that’s for sure.
I hope you make that baseball game and many other games. As far as spending enough time, you know, we live across the street from my in-laws. My husband saw his dad almost every day. And yet, he said he wished he spent more time with him while he could. There is never enough time when it comes to someone you love.
Sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your perspective; it really hits home.
@Projectx Thanks! It’s a post I wish I never had to write.
The key is to have a little black book of logins for the family – obviously trusted members only. It’s invaluable in other horrible situations also – dementia, serious accidents spring to mind.
@NB That’s a really good observation. I’m in the process of getting something like that for my accounts. If anything ever happened to me, my husband would have no clue on where to even start. I’m super disorganized, unfortunately.
So sorry for your loss. I just lost my dad December last year. Upon logging into his AA account I saw that he had accrued 254k miles! I don’t know how he accrued all those miles since he never flew AA and only had the aviator card. I got AA to transfer his balance to my account. I just called to tell them about my dads death. They requested a copy of his death certificate and a signed affidavit and the miles were in my account a few days after I emailed them with the docs. Give that a shot.
@UnitedEF My condolences for your loss! Boy it’s a hard thing to go through. Very interesting data point on transferring his AA miles to your account. I might give it a shot. The only issue is they may want to transfer them to my MIL. That would be pointless as she has no AA miles at the moment. I’ll have to think about that one. Don’t want to take a chance on AAdvantage shafting us.
I have dealt with AA sev times on this issue. They are easy to work with (even though their “official” rules say they owe you nothing). Whoever is Executor of your FILs estate will have the easiest time harnessing his AA points for their acct.
@Pam Thanks! I’ve mentioned this to my MIL.
So very sorry for your loss. My dad died earlier in January, and it has been so tough. We didn’t travel much together, but now my mom is going to join us on a trip we had already planned for next month. Maybe a new beginning with extended family travel? I don’t know. Sending love your way.
@Kacie I’m so sorry for your loss as well! I’m glad your mom will be able to join you guys. My husband said we need to include my MIL in our travel plans as much as possible, and I wholeheartedly agree. My parents are coming here in March. They are a handful, but I don’t care. Family is a package deal. I intend to do my best so that they have a good time.
Leana I am so sorry for your family’s loss. I had read your earlier post but was hoping he would somehow pull through. Thank you for sharing.
@Kelly I appreciate it! One thing I regret is not driving him to the beach one last time. He wanted to feel the ocean breeze, and we were planning on going on the weekend as a family. Sadly, it didn’t materialize.