Last week, we were hosting my parents here in US. As usual, the visit involved a lot of planning, points, money, patience etc. You can see my write-up on booking flights with Flexperks and Merrill+ currency here, and using hotel points on lodging here and here
I do plan to publish detailed reviews of the places we stayed at in a near future, but today’s post won’t focus on any of that stuff.
Terrible family tragedy and change of plans
On Friday before their flight, I was doing some packing and trying to mentally prepare myself for my parents’ visit. You see, while I love them dearly, they are high-maintenance folks (like me). I knew it would be no vacation per se because I would be cooking, cleaning, translating, shopping until I drop, then shopping some more.
Nevertheless, I was determined to have a good attitude and make their visit to Florida as pleasant as possible. After all, they are no spring chickens and were about to fly all the way from Belarus to Orlando via two connections. In coach!
All of those concerns suddenly seemed very trivial when I got a phone call that one of my husband’s close relatives ( a young person) was in a hospital fighting for his life. I won’t go into specific details. I don’t feel like it’s my story to tell, not to mention, most of my readers don’t know any of these people personally.
In fact, I waited to write this post because I didn’t want it to come across as too emotionally-charged. Instead, I want to focus on the travel angle of it. Some of you had to deal with similar circumstances and others will have to in the future. I hope to provide some practical suggestions.
Anyway, we were thinking about going to the hospital (4 hours away from us), but my parents were flying to Orlando that evening. I decided that it would be too stressful, and that my husband and I would drive the following day. Unfortunately, we got the worst possible news one hour after picking up my parents.
As I’ve mentioned earlier, having my family here under the best of circumstances is incredibly stressful. Lying in bed that night, I kept telling myself that I had to somehow keep it together for the next eight days. My parents flew so far to see us.
The first part of our stay was in Holiday Inn Club Vacations Orlando-Orange Lake Resort When I booked the place, I was so looking forward to checking out the waterpark with my kids. Instead, I honestly felt like crawling into a hole. But I had to put on a smile and float down the lazy river like nothing happened. As I passed by other guests I found myself wondering if they are faking it, too. Did this person just lose a cousin, parent, spouse or worst of all, a child? Morbid thoughts.
For the rest of the trip, it was as if this dark cloud followed us wherever we went. It was very hard for my husband and me to enjoy ourselves. And even when we did have temporary moments of joy, we felt guilty for feeling that way. Is it wrong to move on with our lives so soon? It certainly felt that way.
Due to circumstances, we had to shorten our stay in Fort Myers beach. Since the funeral would take place in North Florida, it was a logistical nightmare to fit all the pieces of the puzzle and make sure we get back in time to drive my parents to Fort Myers airport (which is in South Florida). To be clear, our inconvenience certainly amounted to little in the grand scheme of things. This is where I have to give my parents credit. They understood completely, and had no issues giving up part of their beach vacation. Did I mention that my mom is a beach fanatic?
Fortunately, I made two back-to-back reservations in Fort Myers and was able to simply cancel two nights without penalty. This would not work with VRBO or AirBnB and goes to show that using hotel points for family vacations gives you more flexibility in case of an unexpected emergency.
I didn’t tell all of this to tug at readers’ heartstrings. I’m simply trying to make a point that tragedies don’t happen at the time that is convenient for you. Sometimes they occur when you are about to leave on vacation or perhaps when you are in the middle of a trip. Do you have a plan in case this happens?
Relying on travel insurance provided by premium credit cards can give you a peace of mind, but be aware of caveats. We didn’t have this option, but it may be a good idea to consider rescheduling your trip if it’s not too late.
On leather pants, sake, and sangria wine for breakfast
Being around my parents is never dull, that’s for sure. When we went to the airport to pick them up, here comes my mom… wearing leather pants. Huh? I expressed my surprise at this odd clothing choice, considering long economy flight and well, my mom’s age. She just gave me the look and said: “What? I can’t look stylish?” Ok then.
When I was growing up, my parents have always argued non-stop. Nothing has changed in that department. But they have been married for over forty years, and you can’t argue with success. Still, since I have escaped the dysfunction, it’s hard for me to be part of it (again).
We took my parents to Kobe Japanese Steakhouse in Kissimmee, Fl. It’s definitely a neat experience and something I recommend you do at least once. It is expensive, and we dropped $200 (tip included) on six of us. Oh, and the kids didn’t like the food, go figure. Still, it is fun to see the chef do crazy tricks with the knives.
I just wish my parents would pay attention. Instead, they argued whether Sake ( I ordered them a bottle, which contributed to high bill) is a Japanese version of vodka. My dad said it’s NOT, and my mom said it IS. And they kept going back and forth, with me sitting in the middle. Somebody please shoot me. Arigato!
Speaking of alcohol, my parents stayed in our house for two nights and I happened to have some boxed Sangria wine in the fridge. They both went crazy for it. In fact, the morning of their flight back to Europe, I was feeding my dad breakfast. I asked him if he wanted tea or coffee. He said he wanted a glass of Sangria. Well, it was technically 5 PM in Belarus. Honestly, at that point I felt like pouring myself some Sangria for breakfast just to cope with the craziness of the previous week.
One visit at a time
The timing of this visit was terrible, no question about it. Then again, like I said earlier, life happens and you have to adjust accordingly. Despite all the dysfunction, I feel blessed that my parents are still in decent enough shape to come here, and are able to survive a long economy flight. And mom even looks good doing it. Leather pants, baby!
Above all else, I’m grateful that with the help of miles and points I’m still able to afford these visits. One evening when we were staying in Fort Myers beach motel, I watched my parents walk with kids towards the Gulf of Mexico. It’s my favorite memory of this entire trip, a glimpse of figurative sunlight and a reminder of what really matters.
Author: Leana
Leana is the founder of Miles For Family. She enjoys beach vacations and visiting her family in Europe. Originally from Belarus, Leana resides in central Florida with her husband and two children.
You’re so good Leana, I felt for you with for the sad news in your family , but you still made me laugh with your parents story. Hope your husband is doing well.
@Leticia Thanks! I think that’s the Russian part of me coming out, as in finding humor in the most depressing places. That’s how we cope with life.
My husband is doing OK. We plan to visit the family in a few months. It will be a hard trip, but hopefully, we can provide some encouragement.
Leana, I’m so sorry for your family’s loss 🙁 I feel terrible that you couldn’t even relax when you wanted to crawl into a hole. I can definitely empathize. When my dad suddenly passed away few years ago, I suddenly became the sole caretaker of my sick mom and it just hit me like a ton of bricks that I was now the provider AND caretaker… so I pulled myself together and had to go to work the day after my father’s funeral. I’m an interpreter so it sucked having to stop myself from crying so my clients couldn’t hear my sniffling over the microphone. BTW – I think it’s really classy of you to withhold details about the tragedy to respect the family. I feel like most other bloggers would have easily taken advantage and exploited for more clicks.
@Army Thank you! I’m very sorry about the loss of your father. I can’t even imagine how hard it was going back to work right after it happened.
You know, I’m probably the most oversharing miles and points blogger out there! I think I actually went too far in few of my posts. But I certainly don’t want to use this situation for a personal gain. I figured this is something that can happen to any of my readers. Being prepared in advance can make emergencies easier to deal with.
Dear Leana, I’m so sorry for your family’s loss. You hadn’t updated in a while, and I was honestly wondering what you’d been up to and hoping you’d just been really busy and nothing bad had happened, because it’s not like you. It’s such a tragedy when young people are taken so early… such things really put life in perspective. And then you both had to put on such a brave face; sometimes that is all you can do. I’m sure your parents had a wonderful visit with you in spite of the circumstances. Wishing you and your family all the best going forward.
@Debra Thank you so much! I appreciate your kind words. Yeah, there has been a lot going on lately, not just this tragedy. As a general rule, I don’t post or do social networking during trips, so that’s why you haven’t heard from me. Plus, Nancy was gone at the same time. I’m not sure what the posting schedule will look like going forward, but we don’t plan to close up shop… for now.
@Leana I’m so sorry to hear about your family’s loss. I can imagine it was just awful…I have a very wild imagination so I’m thinking the absolute worst, and from the sound of it, I’m probably right. It’s so true how we take things for granted, and this is a nice reminder to appreciate the little things like spending time with the ones we love and to stop bickering over the things that really don’t matter.
@Stephanie Thank you so much! I don’t mean to be secretive about the details, and yes, they are truly heartbreaking. I just don’t feel right sharing them on the blog, plus, I didn’t ask family’s permission. How it happened is irrelevant anyway. It is a powerful reminder not to take our loved ones for granted, no question about it.
he’s on the trans-siberian right now as we speak. headed to biro-something.
@Jerri Hmm, the link doesn’t seem to work. Thanks for trying, though!
https://photos.google.com/search/_tra_/photo/AF1QipNL-RqSfSXAsQ2x4sKT9xf3n72_zfC27Nq3XWB0
not sure if that will work.
also, the picture above that looks like you all walking on the beach – i just got a very similar picture from my son of people walking across lake baikal. he said people were even driving cars over it. the ice and snow was that thick. yes, he did stop in belarus! jerri
@Jerri I would love to visit Baikal! My husband keeps talking about going on Trans-Siberian railway someday, and the route passes by the lake.
leana, i’m so sorry to hear about your loss. it is never, ever easy and of course it’s worse when it’s a young person. your post was beautiful and honest. i enjoyed it a lot. thanks, jerri
@Jerri Thanks for reading. To be honest, it felt a bit odd telling readers about what happened. I certainly don’t want to use this tragedy to increase the traffic for the blog. But… these sort of things happen, and I hope the post will help someone.
Very timely. I’m in a hospital room right now with my father who we just learned has an advanced stage of cancer. Life happens suddenly. We’ve been planning our 10 year anniversary trip that we are scheduled to leave for in about 2-3 weeks. That trip is not a priority right now. But I’ve been using hotel points to stay near the hospital. That, suddenly, seems like the best use of points as opposed to a trip to Hawaii.
@Cheapblackdad I’m so sorry to hear about your dad! Goodness, that’s awful. I know you just lost your mom few years ago. I hope you and your family can find strength to cope with this sad situation. My heart goes out to you, even though we’ve never met IRL.
@cheapblackdad I’m so sorry to hear about your father. So glad to hear that you’re able to be with him.
Wonderful post! In the midst of all the talks about 5 star hotels, first class seats, new cards, etc. everywhere else, it’s a great reminder of what’s most important. I really do live your personal posts:)
@Cynthia Thanks! I confess, I like nice hotels as much as the next guy/gal. And I’m mildly obsessed with credit cards, hehe. But yeah, at times like these, all that stuff seem very trivial. But life goes on, I guess.
Personal posts can be a double-edged sword for a writer. On the one hand, they are easy (and usually enjoyable) to write. On the other hand, I’m never quite sure how much I should share with readers.
So sorry for your loss.
@HML Thank you!
Leana, I am so very sorry for your family’s loss. I can relate to the stress of parents visiting. My Mom and Step-dad always came for a full month, to make it worth the cost of the plane tickets. It is really stressful to be the child again.
@Hilde Oh goodness, I’m not sure I could survive having my parents here for a month. I feel guilty saying it, but it’s the truth. 🙂
Leana, I am so sorry for your family’s loss.
@Julie Thank you! It was a hard post to write, but it felt weirdly therapeutic to get the thoughts out, at last. Thanks for reading.