Last week, when I posted about the Love is Blind drama over money and travel, a reader commented:
“Traveling should be something discussed early in a relationship, as minor as it sounds it can later cause disagreements. Whether it’s one person scared to fly or not wanting to spend money on travel, not everyone is passionate about it.”
That’s so true! This comment really got me thinking about my own relationship and our travel compatibility.
The Dating Years
When my husband and I were dating, the subject of travel came up early. We discussed how we had both studied abroad twice during school. I love Disney parks and just finished working for Disney when I met him, and he had been to Disney World twice.
We talked about how travel was a big part of my childhood but not a big part of his. If I won the lottery, I’d blow it on travel. If he won, he’d rather use the money for material things (house, car, tv, etc.) But, we both agreed that travel is fun, and it would be something we would do together as a couple/family.
So, while we weren’t 100% compatible, we weren’t polar opposites either.
Current Travel Compatibility
We’ve been married 19 years and we have a lot of travel under our belts. Here is how we match up on various aspects of travel.
Frequency of Trips: My husband is satisfied with 1-2 trips per year. My number is a bit bigger. I’d rather travel at least 3-4 times a year. They don’t all have to be big trips. But, when I haven’t traveled for awhile, I get restless.
Length of Trips: My husband (and my boys, too) prefer trips to be a week or less in duration. They have hobbies and classes they like to do at home, so they don’t like to be gone for too long. I can handle being gone as long as 2-3 weeks at a stretch (so can my daughter).
Pace: We both are on the same page on the pace of our travel. We like to do one or two major things each day and allow time to relax or do something spontaneous. Neither of us like cramming a bunch of activities into a really long, hectic day on vacation.
Beaches: I love chilling on the beach! I love listening to the sound of the waves, swimming in the water, and catching up on reading. My husband isn’t as big of a fan of beaches. He tolerates them, but doesn’t want to spend multiple days doing nothing but chilling on the beach.
New Countries: We both are open to visiting new countries, and we’re usually on the same page about where we should explore next.
Adventure level: My husband is definitely more adventurous than I am, as I’m afraid of heights. He enjoys things like zip lining and white water rafting, where I’d rather stay on solid ground. I love hiking, but my husband is not a fan.
Money: My husband would rather spend money on tangible things (like h0me improvement stuff), but he’s always happy after our travels. He could say the same about me and home improvement expenditures.
We Make it Work…
So, my husband and I are not 100% compatible when it comes to our travel preferences. But, we don’t have to be. We make it work because we don’t have to be glued at the hip.
I travel more often than he does, and he’s fine with that. He does more adventurous tours without me, and I’m also fine with that. We have enough in common when it comes to travel that we don’t have any major disagreements.
How compatible are you and your partner/spouse when it comes to travel? Has your compatibility affected your trips?
Author: Nancy
Nancy lives near Dallas, Texas, with her husband and three kids. Her favorite vacations include the beach, cruising and everything Disney.
Last year my husband and I took our first road trip only 2 hours away and he didn’t care for it. So when I wanted to take a 4 hour trip to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Museum this year I took my mom instead. He just doesn’t want to spend that long in a car and my mom enjoyed it more that he would have anyway!
@Boonie Sounds like a win-win! I don’t like car trips either.
“My husband isn’t as big of a fan of beaches. He tolerates them, but doesn’t want to spend multiple days doing nothing but chilling on the beach.”
Hear, hear!! One day max. Then let’s actually *do* something.
I was gonna say he and I are in alignment in terms of travel preferences, but not frequency. But not liking hiking? C’mon. Lame.
@Ian I grew up in Colorado and lived in California where there are some great hikes, so I LOVE hiking. But, I’ve had a really hard time convincing anyone else in my family to love it. My husband did go on a hike with me in Switzerland and enjoyed that, though. I think for him it really depends on the scenery. He grew up in Texas, and we’ve tried hiking here but it’s just not the same (at least in our immediate area).
I can relate to this. I do really enjoy the beach, but if I’m in a beach destination the most I can do is alternate a beach day with an adventure day. Folks that go park their butt on a beach for a week and just read a book? To each their own… but I’d go stir crazy.
Hi,
My husband enjoys returning to the same places again and again. I like to visit new places. Now, that our children are young adults our vacations are even better because I will happily go for a short trip with one of the kids leaving my husband home but return to where he wants to go to make him happy.
The real trick is finding a new place that he wants to return to every year. LOL. The other trick or maybe I should say blessing is having a son who is now a commercial pilot. My husband has no issues we me using flight benefits to travel with our son.
After 30 years of marriage, I learned a happy marriage for us is about compromise. LOL.
@Michelle That’s another interesting point about the desire to return to the same place again. Fortunately, my husband and I have been on the same page about places we’d like to return to again (mostly). So true about learning to compromise! I’m glad your kids want to travel with you. I hope mine still do when they are grown.
I know many people that take the same family vacation every year. Same resort at the same beach in FL. I mean, if you find a place that works well for you I can certainly understand wanting to return. But every single year for years on end? I mean I’m glad they like it, but I need to get out and explore!
All that said it’s important to keep context in mind. If I was married to someone like that it would drive me crazy. But on the flip side, wanting to visit new places all the time would probably drive them crazy too.
That was me with Disney World but started getting hard to find people to go with me even when I was covering accommodations so now it’s about every other year.
This wasn’t something on my radar when my wife and I were dating. I haven’t even thought about until recently, when some examples started popping up.
-The friend that won’t fly.
-The family friends that had soccer games on a Saturday and Sunday, both in the same town two hours away, and drove back and forth both days because the wife doesn’t like staying in hotels.
-The friend that refuses to leave “the good ole U. S. of A.”
I could go on. I guess I lucked out!
@projectx Yes, those things you mention are huge! That would be so difficult if your partner refuses to fly or stay in a hotel. I know several people who have no desire to travel outside of the U.S.A. They are missing out!
A big question for me is how you like to spend money once on the trip. In my youth I went to Australia with a friend who unfortunately prioritized drinking beer over other types of experiences. Although we did do a lot of great things, we also missed many due to this preference. For example, we had the chance to go to New Zealand for $100 and she said it was too expensive. Etc.
For this reason I’ve traveled a lot with my sisters and mom over the years, as we just tend to be more on the same page when making travel decisions. Not 100% of the time, but our starting point is definitely ahead of the game which really helps.
@Audrey Yes! Spending money while traveling can also be a source of conflict. I’m glad you have some travel companions that are on the same page as you. I would have totally gone to New Zealand for $100!
The most important compatibility factor is how early to get to the airport before a flight. People who arrive well before flight time should never, ever be in a close relationship with those who cut it close — unless one person will compromise.
@Richard That is so true! My husband and I are not compatible in that matter. I prefer to arrive early so we don’t have to stress, and he likes to cut it close.
This is what can cause a divorce in a marriage! I love my husband but I like to travel without him because like to be early and he doesn’t. Pre-check TSA has saved us a few times!