Last week, my husband was on a business trip. This was the type of trip that invoked jealousy from me. He had a fancy room in Las Vegas and nice dinners out.
It was the type of conference that many spouses tag along to. I would have no problem lounging at the pool or taking in the spa for a few days on my own in Las Vegas. It sounds like heaven.
As my husband described his week and I lamented my same week at home, I said out loud, “I’m looking forward to the time when our kids are old enough to leave at home so I can join you on a trip like this.” And then I also wondered out loud, “When is that? What is the right age to begin to leave kids home alone overnight?”
What the Law Says About Leaving Kids Home Alone Overnight
Believe it or not, most states don’t have a law that specifies the age when you can leave children home alone during the day or at night. Aside from Maryland (age 8) and Illinois (age 14), states only have guidelines based on maturity.
The general legal consensus on the link above and on blogs about this subject is that kids can be left alone for 1-2 nights beginning at age 16. That makes sense, considering many 16-year-olds have a driver’s license and could get to the store or doctor by themselves as needed. Some would also be living on their own in two years at age 18, so giving shorter bursts of freedom at 16 is a steppingstone to that.
Other Factors to Consider
I saw this same question recently in a mom’s group on social media. Moms were very divisive on this topic. Some were ok with their 16-year-olds staying at home alone overnight, while others were adamant it would never happen.
Besides age, there are other factors to consider. Is the 16-year-old responsible for babysitting younger siblings overnight? What are their ages?
Maturity also plays a big role. Maturity levels among kids of the same age can be drastically different.
Also, your kids’ friends matter. Do you trust their friends? Or, do you know they will have a wild friend some over and wreak havoc?
And finally, do you have neighbors who can keep.an eye on things? Will they notice if there are 10 cars parked in front of your house? Do you know your neighbors well enough so that your kids can come to them if they need help?
Our Situation
My son will be 16 next year. I would be comfortable letting him stay by himself alone overnight for a few days. He’s is reasonably mature and responsible, and we have a neighbor across the street we could ask to keep an eye on things.
However, I’m less comfortable having him alone with his two younger siblings. They tend to argue and create high drama, and my oldest isn’t the best at diffusing. He sometimes makes things worse.
My oldest babysits the younger two every now and then, but usually for just a few hours. We’ve never left our kids alone for a longer period of time.
Most families have grandparents who will come stay with the kids. Unfortunately, my family doesn’t have that option.
But the bottom line is that if we’re not comfortable with our kids home alone overnight, we won’t enjoy our getaway. We’d never be able to fully relax and enjoy ourselves, so what’s the point?
Bottom Line
I don’t know when my kids will be old enough and mature enough to handling staying home overnight without us. Next year? Probably not. In a few years? Maybe.
At what age do you think your kids will be ok staying home alone overnight?
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Author: Nancy
Nancy lives near Dallas, Texas, with her husband and three kids. Her favorite vacations include the beach, cruising and everything Disney.
I was out of town working and going through some turbulent times with my wife when she informed me she would be leaving town on a Thursday at 5 pm and not returning until Monday at 10pm and leaving our 13 year old boy at home which I was very against. She informed me she was going anyways, and he was old enough to care for himself. I ended up taking time off work to drive home three hours on Thursday afternoon pick him up drive three hours back to have him with me over the weekend then I had to take Monday off to drive him home and drive back to work I was Told that was my problem And decision to miss work To ensure my son was safe I think I was in the right to do this for my sons, safety and well-being.
@Mike How stressful!
I discovered this article because I was curious what others thought on this subject… I’m going to be leaving my 14 and 15 old sons home for 2 nights, so the husband and I can get away for a short trip. The grandparents are just a few miles away and will be checking in on them, but we didn’t want to ask them to stay at our house. My 14 has to work while we are gone (he walks to his job from our house) and my 15 will be in charge of caring for our dog. Both boys are really responsible and have great friend network (with awesome parents), and we feel blessed to be apart of a safe and supportive community. I moved out of my parents house when I was 16, and while I was doing adult things very young in life, my parents taught me how to be safe and stay out of trouble. I hope I’ve done the same for my children. Staying overnight on your own is a right of passage, of sorts. Prepare kids for life, teach skills they need to know, or one day they will turn 18, or 21, and won’t be ready for life or college or whatever is next.
@Sarah I think that with the grandparents just a few miles away, your boys will be fine! Enjoy your trip!
18 and not a day sooner. And so jealous that your husband stayed at the Venetian in Vegas.
@Natasha He stayed at both the Venetian and the Palazzo this time. I want to go! LOL
Thank you everyone for your comments and perspective. This definitely isn’t a one-size-fits-all policy. I was left alone overnight beginning at age 16, as were some of my friends. We didn’t get into too many shenanigans at that age. Or did we?!?!
Didnt we all do silly things growing up lol.
I’d avoid leaving teens at home alone if possible based on the way we behaved in high school! Even good responsible kids do silly things at times and often the parents have no idea.
hmmm…my 16 yr old would probably freak out if I left him home overnight, and I do trust him with his younger sibling. They just feel safer if grandma was with them, and we’re fortunate to have our parents available to stay with them.
Of course, he may change his mind at 17.
My boys were 16 and 19 (had already been away at college) when I left them home alone. I’m sure they were mature enough for us to do it earlier but we didn’t have the need/opportunity before that time.
I have an extremely responsible and mature 15 year old who has pretty responsible, well behaved friends, but there is no way on earth that I would let her stay home alone overnight anytime soon for a variety of reasons (pretty much all the reasons come back to safety/security). Yes, some kids may be living on their own at 18, but that seems pretty rare, at least in our social circle. Kids leave for college at 18, but I consider that to be a pseudo living on their own. They are living communally with some oversight (RA’s, campus security, etc.) and safety nets. I would potentially consider leaving her home alone for a night or two after a year of college, but I honestly feel like it is neglectful to leave a high schooler, regardless of maturity and level of responsibility. There will be plenty of opportunities for time away when they are gone.
@AMJ Neglectful? Really? The kid isn’t “living on her own”…she is staying a few nights without her parents around.
@ Ben I absolutely feel that it is neglectful to leave a high schooler home alone overnight. A 15-17 year old is still a child/minor. What if there was a medical emergency, car accident, the house flooded, etc.? I haven’t fully researched this since it isn’t something that I would consider, but would they even have the legal authority to handle any of these situations? When I left my kids with grandparents, we were advised to leave a notarized letter stating that they were authorized to take our children for medical treatment. This isn’t a situation where a single parent has to leave an older child overnight because of a job, sick relative, or something similar that is not entirely optional. Taking a parent only vacation (or spouse joining in on a work trip) is completely optional. My priority is to my children and as far as I’m concerned, high school aged kids and very much still kids who need supervision and shouldn’t be left home alone while I go off on a vacation.