My family is T-5 weeks until takeoff for our big summer vacation to Alaska! I’ve been excitedly anticipating this trip for over six years.
Last week, I decided to check our airline reservations again to make sure the schedule is still the same. I had done this a few times since booking these flights on AA miles last year. I am traveling solo with two of my kids for this flight while my husband and oldest are joining us in Vancouver two days later
To my surprise, when I checked my flight from Dallas to Vancouver, my son was no longer sitting in my row. He had been moved 11 rows behind me on the opposite side of the plane. How bizarre!
However, I didn’t panic. I figured that American Airlines could fix this mix-up with a quick phone call. Boy, was I wrong!
How did this happen?
Most people who fear getting separated from their kids on a flight think it’s more likely to happen on Southwest, where there are no assigned seats. We fly Southwest a few times a year, and it’s never happened to us! Southwest doesn’t ask for proof of age for family boarding, although the official policy is for families with children 6 and under.
However, families can be separated on airlines with pre-assigned seats. How?
If you book closer to departure, there may be only middle seats left, so you can’t pick adjacent seats. Also, if the flight is too full, you may have to wait to get seat assignments at the gate.
But in my case, I booked the flights as soon as they were available to book, about 11 months in advance. And, the seat assignments were wide open, so I reserved three adjacent seats in the same row.
At some point, AA removed us from our flight and booked us on a new flight with a similar arrival time. Perhaps the airline combined two flights down to one. In any case, we were separated.
Calling AA to resolve
When I called American Airlines and explained how I wanted to wanted to move my son back to our row, I was put on hold for awhile by the agent. When she came back on the line, she said I had a bigger problem than that.
Apparently, Alaska Airlines moved up our connecting flight from Seattle to Vancouver, and now we only had 40 minutes to connect. The agent told me that American Airlines requires a minimum of 70 minutes to connect when you switch airlines on one ticket. So, she would have to find us new flights.
The good news is, the agent came back and said she booked us on a different flight, direct from DFW to Vancouver. We would no longer have to connect in Seattle. Yay!
The bad news is, now all three of us were separated! The agent could not get us any seats together, not even just two of us.
Why this made my blood boil
Here is the kicker and what really made me mad: the flight did have seats together, they were just toward the front of the aircraft and had an extra charge. These were not business class or Main Cabin Extra seats with extra legroom. These were just regular economy seats deemed more desirable by the airline, and therefore they could make more money by charging extra for them.
The agent told me she could not assign us to those seats because we booked milesAAver tickets, and therefore we were not eligible. I wasn’t even eligible to pay extra for those seats together. I politely asked if I could speak to a supervisor to see about getting us seats together. She put me on hold again.
For the record, I did not expect AA to assign us these “upgraded” seats. Although I don’t really consider the seats an upgrade, since they are still in economy with the same amount of legroom and amenities. I hoped the airline would upgrade a couple of elites to those seats so that I could sit next to my kids on the flight.
The agent came back on the line and said that unfortunately, her supervisor could not move our seats. She recommended we get to the gate 90 minutes ahead of our flight to get on a list for possible seat changes. Of course, in my head I’m thinking, “#$%!”
Sure, I could hope for the best at the gate. But honestly, I didn’t want that stress.
Why do I care if my kids don’t sit next to me on a flight?
Some of you without kids and some with kids who are reading this might wonder why I even care so much about not sitting next to my kids on a flight. After all, my two youngest kids are 6 and 9, not babies anymore.
I’d like to think of myself as being somewhere in the midpoint of being a helicopter mom and a free-range mom. That is, some will view my parenting style as overprotective, while others will think I’m far too lax.
I care about sitting next to my kids because we will be on the plane for almost 5 hours from boarding to deplaning, and I don’t think my kids are mature enough to handle a solo flight yet.
My kindergartener is painfully shy with strangers, and still needs help opening up food wrappers sometimes. If she was sitting next to a stranger, I have no doubt she would sit there hungry for 5 hours before she’d ask the stranger sitting next to her for help.
She also is afraid of the loud flushing in airplane bathrooms and still asks me to accompany her to the restroom on airplanes. Chances are, during 5 hours on the airplane, she will need to use the lavatory at least once.
Of course, my 9-year-old is much more self-sufficient. However, in the slim chance that we were to experience extreme turbulence or have to put on oxygen masks, am I comfortable that the stranger next to him will help him and comfort him? I would hope so, but I’d still feel better if he was next to me or at least within eye-shot.
Wait, what about that law that Congress passed that guaranteed families with kids ages 13 and under will get to sit together on airplanes without having to pay extra?
You may remember that last summer, Congress passed a law that will require airlines to sit families with kids ages 13 and under together without having to pay for it. It was huge news in the travel blogosphere and in the news in general.
H.R. 636—FAA Extension, Safety and Security Act of 2016 became law on July 15, 2016. Section 2309 Family Seating states:
(a) In General.–Not later than 1 year after the date of enactment
of this Act, the Secretary of Transportation shall review and, if
appropriate, establish a policy directing all air carriers providing
scheduled passenger interstate or intrastate air transportation to
establish policies that enable a child, who is age 13 or under on the
date an applicable flight is scheduled to occur, to be seated in a seat
adjacent to the seat of an accompanying family member over the age of
13, to the maximum extent practicable and at no additional cost, except
when assignment to an adjacent seat would require an upgrade to another
cabin class or a seat with extra legroom or seat pitch for which additional payment is normally required.
You can read the entire text here.
So the Secretary of Transportation has until July of 2017 to establish a policy for the airlines. I asked the AA agent about these accommodations, and she had never heard of this law.
I actually called the Secretary of Transportation’s office to inquire about an update on the rollout of this policy. The office bounced me around to a few people who didn’t know anything about it and to one who didn’t return my calls.
I’m a little skeptical that this family seating policy will ever come to fruition. If you look at the wording, it’s very wishy-washy. The Secretary of Transportation shall review and “if appropriate” establish a policy. Sounds like it’s optional! I hope I’m wrong.
Persevering for a solution
So back to my flights. I wasn’t satisfied having all three of us separated on this flight, especially knowing there were adjacent economy seats available.
I decided to contact American Airlines on Twitter. Twice. No response.
I wasn’t giving up, so I called American again. I spoke to a different agent who again told me that since I booked milesAAver awards, she could not change my seats. Again, I asked for a supervisor.
This time, the supervisor came on the line and made things happen. Is she a mom herself who understands? I don’t know. She was able to get us two seats together and one seat apart, but closer. My son would be sitting across the aisle in a middle seat. I could live with that.
Why could she make that happen when three other agents before her could not? I assume she moved one elite to an “upgraded” seat so that my daughter could sit next to me. She suggested that when we board, I ask the person sitting in our window seat to change seats with my son (in the middle on the other side). Hmmm…that might be a tough sell. A window for a middle seat?
Regardless, I could see my son from my seat and my daughter would be sitting next to me. When I checked my reservation online later that day, I noticed my son had been moved to the aisle seat across from me. Bingo!
What should you do if this happens to you?
My first advice is to book flights and get seat assignments as far in advance as possible. Then, check your reservation online every few months before your departure to ensure you still have seats together.
If you discover you have been separated, call the airline immediately to ask for seats together. Ask to speak to a supervisor if the first agent can’t help you.
If the supervisor can’t help you, HUCA (hang up, call again). Persistence pays off!
Has an airline separated you from your kids on a flight with reserved seats? How did you resolve the situation? Do you care if you sit next to your kids? At what age do your kids need to be before you are comfortable being separated from them on a flight?
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Author: Nancy
Nancy lives near Dallas, Texas, with her husband and three kids. Her favorite vacations include the beach, cruising and everything Disney.
Honestly I cannot believe this is even legal. I’m flying American tomorrow and I think I would stand up and ask for someone to volunteer moving. Seriously safety first. If flight crews can make people move to balance the plane they can make people move so that parents are with young children.
@kimbrulait Yep, I agree!
These replies are Nightmare fuel for our family trip of 4 to Hawaii next year. We flew southwest last week with our 8 year old and we just did family boarding with no questions asked. Given how far out I plan on booking our Hawaii flights, I suspect I may find myself in a similar situation as some of th samples posted above.
@CBD sorry to scare you! Hopefully your seats won’t be changed and you won’t have to worry about any of this. But do check your reservation a few times after you book just to make sure.
This just happened to us on AA. However, I paid for ALL 4 of the one way tix 7 months in advance from DCA to LAX with a connection in ORD with a 2-2 configuration. Checked in online the day before and they changed the plane to a 3-3 and put 2 seats together and 5 rows back the put 2 of us in middle seats – so now what?
I called AA immediately and they told me they couldn’t do anything as they were sold out – so try the gate. First one to the gate and told – they were oversold and I was told my kids were old enough to be on their own. Now I’m livid – as my oldest is afraid of flying and my youngest was having horrible ear pressure issues on the flights to DC that she cried during each landing.
We decided I would sit with the youngest and we calmed my oldest as my husband would be in the same row but on the other side. The lady next to my oldest realized they got separated and offered to take my husband ‘s seat as she knew the guy next to him. We thanked her profusely. I’m still fuming over the whole situation because in an emergency no child should be by themself.
I wish AA would have accommodated my family. We won’t be flying with them anytime soon.
@Stephanie that sounds really stressful! I do wish AA would solve these issues well in advance of a flight.
P.S. Reminds me of Seinfeld’s bit about reservations in case you haven’t seen…
https://youtu.be/4T2GmGSNvaM
@Amanda so funny! It’s been a long time since I’ve seen that clip.
It has happened to me a million times, especially on AA MileSaver seats. Over over again. It always gets fixed at the gate without any fuss. 100% of time so far.
It has happened so many times that I now go out of my way to point out that my son is a minor and to explain that we can’t be separated – up front. And when booking with points on, say, American, but flying, with, say, Hawaiian, I call Hawaiian as well, to make sure they realize that my son is a minor – and it seems to help minimize the problem. (You’d think in this day and age the computers would pick up his DOB, but they don’t seem to for some reason)
The good news is we often end up in those precious bulkhead seats for free, and without needing to be demanding. I think they hold them back in case any families with babies or disabled people end up needing them…or minors that need to sit with their parents: emergency seats.
Based on my experience I wouldn’t worry too much, it’s inconvenient, but just get to the gate early, and they almost always fix it as a matter of course.
@Amanda I’m glad you’ve been able to get seats together at the gate. I’ve heard from a few people on here and through FB comments that they have not been so lucky every time. I like your strategy about calling to make sure the airlines have record you are traveling with a minor. So strange how their systems don’t pick that up! Thanks for your input.
I haven’t made time to read all comments, but the last time this happened my son was 7. I imagine that’s a no brainer (a 7-year old needs to be with a parent, duh!)…but I imagine it’s not so easy for parents with older children (say 12 and above). But so far every gate person has attempted to fix (and fixed) problem without me needing to create a fuss. That’s about the only nice thing I’ll say about AA! 😉
I just don’t understand how they can arbitrarily reassign you all over the cabin but then act like it’s impossible to accommodate you when you call with a REASONABLE request. It’s a bunch of bull.
Exactly, Lindy!
I’m so glad you got an acceptable resolution. Anticipating a big trip is half the fun and having the excitement of a big trip clouded with worry over seat assignments stinks.
This happened to us. We booked 3 first class seats DFW-OGG using points last May. This was a HUGE splurge for us. Our kids were 3 years old and 17 months old. We were lapping the youngest so it was real important to us to all sit together so we could trade off holding the little one. We booked 11 months out to get those award seats.
They changed planes from a 2-2-2 configuration to a 1-2-1 and split us up ALL OVER the first class cabin. I called and explained my 3 year old couldn’t sit by himself and it was to no avail. They just told me to get to the airport early and the person checking us in could change it for us. We got there super early and the person checking us in told us that the gate-agent would have to do it. We were the first people to talk to the gate agent when they arrived and they said that there was nothing they could do because everyone had checked-in and to board the plane early and just get other passengers to switch with us!
I was in tears when we finally boarded the plane and I’m NOT a crier. Fortunately, (or so I thought) there was a family of 4 that was sitting in such a way that if they traded 2 seats with us they would be seated all across the same row together and we would be together on the same row as well. It was an ex NBA player, his wife and their 2 kids that looked to be about 7 and 10 years old. The guy was super sweet but his wife did NOT want to budge. She kept trying to convince me that my 3 year old would be just fine once the plane took off!!! (My son and I were BOTH crying at this point) They were seated front to back of each other in the middle and I just don’t understand how they thought that was a better seating arrangement for them but WHATEVER. A kind soul finally traded us, (he moved AWAY from his family to accommodate us) and I was at least able to sit next to my 3 year old while my husband and 17 month old were still on the other side of the plane.
It was awful and I’m still mad about how the airline treated us but I will say the flight attendants were wonderful and did help us.
@Lindy that’s awful! And that’s exactly the nightmare scenario I was afraid of if I didn’t get our seats switched before the day of departure. I feel like the airline systems are missing some sort of flag that could prioritize re-assigning families adjacent seats when this sort of aircraft switch happens. I hate that parents are forced to negotiate with other passengers. 🙁 I’m glad you were able to at least sit next to your 3-year-old, but I wish you didn’t have to go through all that stress.
@Lindy WOW!!! I’m a cryer, so I would be hysterical at that point. But seriously, what kind of a moron (pardon my French) would say that a 3-year old kid would be fine on their own? Seriously?! And this was a mother talking. Did she forget what kids are like at 3 years of age? I honestly feel like the airline owed you an apology, plus some sort of compensation. This should NOT have happened.
This has actually happened to me four times on changed flights! I used to fight with insurance companies for a living, so I’m pretty good at cutting through and getting what I need (also, paid for and scheduled) – but have never been successful getting it changed in advance.
All four times, though, they have fixed it at the gate and my kids have both been seated with me.
@Karen–I’m sorry this has happened to you so many times. I’m glad the airline fixed it at the gate. I must have been a real pain in the rear on the phone, or I just got lucky with try #3 to find an agent who had sympathy for my situation.
When we booked our AA flights for Alaska we had things moved around too, seats and layover times. I have flight anxiety, so not sitting next to my husband for all that travel was not something I was looking forward to. It all worked out in the end, but since we were booking on miles I got the same excuses. The trusty, hang up and call again worked out for us and they manually opened up regular seats for us to book on miles. Didn’t even know that was possible.
I can imagine the fit my mother would throw if I was not next to her on a flight that young hahaha!!!
@Emily I’m glad that HUCA worked for you!
My kiddo is 5 and is extremely chatty with strangers, so part of me would be freaking out and stressed and part of me feels like this would get fixed very easily on the plane. I could take my child to his seat and introduce him to the person(s) sitting next to him and offer to trade seats. I bet it would take about 10 secs of him talking about his light up shoes/Pokémon/power rangers/PAC man/buzz light year at his usual rapid fire pace for them to be happy to take my seat instead. But I probably talk a big game and would end up having a freak out and getting tossed off the plane.
Hopefully people would switch once on the plane, but I honestly feel bad asking people. My son would be pretty chatty, too. 🙂
It’s crazy! I’ve sent out a tweet with this post to AA team, so hopefully someone will read it. As much as I would love for someone else to babysit my kid, I would do the same thing you did. Though knowing my son, passengers would be paying me to switch seats. Winning!
Ha ha! Maybe people would have paid me to move next to my kids, too.
The same thing happened to us on the way to St. Thomas last year. We switched flights and our seats were all over the place on the new itinerary. And they didn’t want to seat us together without an additional charge, even though I had selected our other seats months ahead of time.
Anyway, I had to have a cow to get them to fix it. I talked to a supervisor, etc. Eventually they did move us without an added charge, but I had to escalate it quite a bit. My mother has to be in a wheelchair when we travel and I needed to be near her in case she needs help. And my kids were only 5 and 7 at the time!
That stinks! I hate that you had to escalate that so much to get a resolution. So stressful!
Wow! I can’t believe they did that. Five hours is way too long to be apart. So frustrating! My kids are 5 and 8 and I wouldn’t feel comfortable not sitting with them. My youngest actually likes turbulence and flying but my oldest still gets really nervous and needs comforting. I’m really surprised they weren’t more accommodating. I’m glad you worked it out finally.
I’m glad it worked out, too. I feel like I had to put way too much effort to get results, though.