On Losing a Parent and Prioritizing Family Travel

This post is a bit of a deviation from our normal content. It has nothing and yet everything to do with miles and points.

My dad passed away a few weeks ago. While not completely unexpected, it happened months sooner than we expected.

Last summer, my dad developed gastroparesis, a rare chronic condition with no cure. In case you’re not familiar with this condition (and my whole family was not), gastroparesis is caused by damaged nerves in the stomach and intestines. With this condition, the stomach cannot properly digest food. His symptoms were severe and progressed rapidly.

My dad got weaker and weaker, and earlier this year wound up in the hospital a few times before entering a nursing home. After just a few weeks there, his body began to shut down.

I had already planned a trip to visit him in the nursing home. While I was in the airport waiting to board my plane, I got a call that said family needed to come to the hospital right away. At that point, while sitting at the gate with tears streaming down my face, I was afraid I would be too late to say a final goodbye.

He was still alive when I arrived at the hospital and I had a few days to say goodbye, although I’m not sure he recognized me.

His final breath of life brought a flurry of activity—funeral arrangements, flying back to Texas to make travel plans for my husband and three kids to join me in Colorado, helping my mom donate my dad’s stuff, etc.

What It’s Like to Lose a Parent

I’m sure losing a parent is different for everyone. For me, it was like I was standing on solid ground, and then suddenly the floor disappeared from underneath me. I immediately thought of my friends who had gone through this before me, and I finally understood the depth of their pain. I regretted not comprehending their grief and supporting them enough at the time.

The first people to reach out to me were others who also lost a parent. It was like I was now in this special club that nobody wanted to be in, but we were joined together because of our circumstances. Not that others were not also supportive, it’s just a special connection with others who have been through the same thing.

Grief ebbs and flows and does not end at the funeral or memorial service. I think I’m sadder now that all the flurry of activity is over and my life has resorted back to the new normal.

Travel Memories of my Dad

My parents placed a high value on vacations when I was growing up, so it’s no surprise that some of my favorite memories of my dad include travel. He was a big fan of Disney World! Especially Epcot, because he could get beers from around the world.

When I was in 8^th grade, I was studying Spanish in school. My class had the opportunity to spend one month in Spain over the summer and witness the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona. Of course, I wanted to go on the trip, and my parents were happy to sign me up.

Shortly after I signed up, my dad lost his job. I assumed that I would no longer be going on the trip, but my dad insisted that I still go. And what a trip that was!

Even though my parents paid for us kids to go on European trips with school groups, they didn’t go to Europe until they were in their 60s. However, my parents made up for lost time in Europe. I went to Italy with them before I got married. We must have gone into at least a dozen cathedrals. At the end of our tour, my dad was begging to go anywhere except another cathedral. My parents also traveled to Norway and visited several more countries during two separate riverboat cruises.

When my siblings and I were in our 20s, my parents treated us (and my sister-in-law) to an adult vacation at Disney World. We stayed in an onsite Disney resort for the first time ever. It was just like old times, except in a nicer hotel.

Prioritizing Family Travel

I moved away from my hometown and parents when I was 18. Over the years, I still managed to see my parents at least once a year, usually more. And that’s why I have no regrets.

After my husband and I had kids, we agreed that we would make a real effort to travel to both sides of our families so that our kids could get to know their grandparents. It hasn’t always been easy, convenient, cheap or reciprocated. But on average, we make four trips a year just to see family. And of course, miles and points from credit card bonuses have helped decrease the financial burden tremendously.

My kids have special memories of their grandfather during our trip to Colorado Springs, when we visited Cheyenne Mountain Zoo (awesome views!) and took the train to the top of Pikes Peak. My oldest two kids remember that trip when my entire extended family rented a 4-bedroom condo at Wyndham Bonnet Creek for a 9-day Disney World trip. (Yes, that was exhausting!)

And of course, they remember just our “normal” visits to Denver, where we would hit up our favorite family restaurants as a big group or just meet up at my brother’s house for family get-togethers.

My kids are lucky to have spent time with all four of their grandparents. I hope their memories of my dad will linger.

The Final Word

My family of five still has many years of family travel ahead of us. Some trips will be wild adventures on our own, and others will be routine visits to extended family.

Someday when my kids are all grown up, I want to treat them to a Disney vacation as adults. And I pray that we have taught them by example to prioritize visiting their parents and grandparents.

Leana was right. Writing a blog IS just as good as therapy. And I promise my next post won’t read like an episode of the Dr. Phil show.

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