Recently, I asked for some advice in a social media travel group about a short trip I’m considering taking with two of my kids next year. I happened to mention in my inquiry that my oldest son (who will be in high school) and my husband would be unable to go.
Although the absence of two of my family members from the trip wasn’t even relevant to my question, it caused a considerable amount of controversy. Some of the responses:
“Wait, you’re not taking one of your kids?”
“I would never consider going on a vacation without my entire family.”
“Pull your high-schooler out of school.”
“Life is too short, you all must go.”
“So sad that you think of some family members as a bother.”
“Making lifelong memories as a family is super important.”
“Vacation means the whole family.”
Apparently, the idea of a partial family vacation really touched a nerve in some people. I was not prepared for all the backlash!
My Family’s History with Partial Family Vacations
This is not the first time we’ve considered traveling without all five members of our family. In fact, we do it often!
When you have five people in your family, traveling gets expensive, even using miles and points. It takes so many more resources to get our whole family somewhere vs. just one or two of us. Also, when we all go, we have additional expenses of pet sitting, airport parking, etc.
When my kids were younger, my husband went on a few road trips in Texas to see his friends and family. Each time, he would take a different kid with him. When he traveled to Houston to see a friend, he took our middle son since his friend has a son about the same age. Another time, he took my oldest son to visit family. My daughter also got her own solo road trip with dad.
A few years ago, I took my two boys to Disney World for a reunion. My daughter stayed at home with dad.
Three years later, she got her own solo trip with me to Disneyland.
Leana took her daughter on a mother-daughter trip, too!
Last December, I took my son to Denver to visit my mom. I will likely return this summer with a different kid.
The kids and I have also taken several trips together without my husband. His work schedule doesn’t allow him to travel as much as we would like. We visited the Mall of America by ourselves:
And we tackled Washington, D.C. on our own for a short trip to update Russian passports:
This summer, we will have about two weeks in Florida without my husband. He will join us for a 3-day weekend and July 4th week.
One lucky time when the stars all aligned, my husband and I were able to travel to New York City just us, without our kids.
Admittedly, it’s much easier to accomplish these partial family trips with the help of miles and points. It’s hard to pass up a short trip when you can fly and stay in an awesome hotel for (almost) free.
For most people, going on at most one vacation a year is the norm, so I can understand why the thought of not taking the whole family is shocking.
Why I’m Ok with Partial Family Vacations
We can pursue our individual interests. Even though my husband and I are like two peas in a pod, we still maintain our individual interests. He loves to travel for cycling events, which don’t interest me. I love hotel pools and water parks, which isn’t his cup of tea.
We can do more and see family more often. If we had a requirement that all five of us had to go on every single trip, we simply couldn’t go as many places. Cost and work/school scheduling conflicts would eliminate some trips altogether.
We can spend time alone with each kid. When you have three kids, it’s hard to spend a lot of time with each one individually. Short trips with one kid give us that chance.
We can reconnect as a couple. Even though we only had one chance to travel as a couple without our kids, the alone time was precious to us. I wish we could travel as a couple more!
Sometimes, staying home is more fun! For the people left behind, sometimes the opportunities at home are better than the trip! It could be a chance for a one-on-one excursion to the zoo or local theme park. Or, it could be a sleepover with friends without having to worry about waking up the little siblings. Maybe staying at home means a weekend of being spoiled by Grandma!
When Partial Family Vacations are a Bad Idea
I obviously underestimated just how controversial partial family vacations are. As I discovered, partial family trips are a hard “no” for some people. But I say, don’t knock it until you’ve tried it!
In my opinion, partial family vacations are a bad idea if the same person is always excluded or when the trips are always skewed in one person’s favor. When things become unfair, kids (and adults) do notice!
With that in mind, I want to make sure that my kids are treated fairly equal with trips and vacations. We are not going to exclusively go on solo trips with our “easiest” kid just because it’s easier on us. (And I’ll never tell which kid is easiest!) If we take one kid on a trip, I want to make sure we plan something similar for the others down the line, or do something equally as fun at home while we’re gone. I’m keeping score, as I know my kids are, too.
I also don’t think it’s right for grandparents and extended family members to play favorites when it comes to family trips. It just causes hurt feelings and resentment. My husband and I will make every effort to treat all of our future extended family members equally.
There are certain situations when I want my entire family there. For big milestone overseas trips, I want all of us to experience the new country together. For example, when we visit Russia, we will all go. We won’t exclude my daughter just because she wasn’t born there. The trip will be a big deal to all of us. Also, when my husband and I celebrate our 25th anniversary with a trip, we will invite all of our kids, not just one or two.
Bottom Line
My entire family will still go on at least two trips a year with the whole family. I cherish the time when all five of us can travel together. However, there are times when we will break off into smaller groups for partial family vacations. It’s what works for us.
Have you ever gone on a partial family vacation? Do you enjoy traveling with just your spouse or just one kid at a time?
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Author: Nancy
Nancy lives near Dallas, Texas, with her husband and three kids. Her favorite vacations include the beach, cruising and everything Disney.
Kacie says
We haven’t done this…yet. It’s not something that I’ve really thought about, because I do like to haul the 5 of us together. But, I can see how a one-on-one trip could be special and (ahem) significantly cheaper!
My husband is actually going camping soon without us, he is going with some friends. I am not a happy camper, so I’m totally fine with him going solo. And I have to admit, I’m keeping my eye out for some sort of hotel deal me + the kids could go to while he is away.
A room for 4 would be available for us in a more fun hotel, whereas some places simply do not accommodate 5 in one room. So. We’ll see 🙂
Nancy says
@Kacie It’s definitely easier to find more hotels when there’s just 4 in the room. I hope you find something fun!
Nancy says
@Stephanie I really try to avoid online debates, but sometimes they sneak up on me. 🙂
Stephanie says
I honestly hate social media drama. I pretty much agree with other posters…do what works for you and your family. My husband can’t get away from work like I can so the kids and I do family road trips to visit family…everyone is happy in that scenario. Hubby and our oldest have taken a few weekend “guys only” trips with friends (which they still talk about), and it’s worked out where I can have a sleepover for my youngest and get to spoil her for the weekend; Win Win!
The big trips have included all members of my family so far, but school schedules are going to change drastically in a few years so if someone can’t make a trip, then we may have to split up vacations with the kids.
Talchinsky says
After my parents divorced my dad started inviting my sister and me, alternately, to be his +1 on work trips. I went with him to San Diego and NY when I was 16 and it was great! Especially great when you consider that my sister and I never got along. He took her on the back of his Harley to Sturgis and she loved that as well – that couldn’t have happened with me along.
Nancy says
@Talchinsky What a great opportunity for you to see places with your dad!
Sarah says
How dare anyone think they have the right to tell you how to vacation i.e. Live! I am 1 of 10 children and the vacations were always split up and had to be and we loved our more one on one time! I too have vacations now with my family that are big and include everyone and some that are one on one but we keep it fair. It strengthens our relationships! When my oldest daughter was 13 and through her teen years we did a series of Mother-Daughter trips that pretty much saved our flailing relationship during those oh so difficult teen years! They weren’t long trips but around 3 days in NYC, DC, Chicago, etc…and they helped tremendously! Thank you SW CP! Bringing my other daughter who was a toddler at the time would have changed the entire dynamic as we would have been traveling with lowest common denominator mentality and it would have been counterproductive. When my youngest daughter is 13+ we too will do some mother daughter trips as it was as it was an invaluable comfort to us!
Nancy says
@Sarah Those one-on-one teenager trips sound like a great idea! Those teen years are so hard on parents (and kids!)
Jennifer says
My husband and I usually take one big trip a year as a whole family and one big trip just us without kids with lots of smaller getaways in between with and without kids. I’ll never apologize for making that couple’s time. Happy parents make happy kids. When we used to live far from my family, I would take the kids every few months to see my parents while my husband stayed home. He just didn’t have the vacation time. If we only traveled together, my kids wouldn’t have been able to see grandparents very often. Now that my kids are getting older and easier to travel with, I am actually looking forward to planning one-on-one trips with each of them. Think of the memories! It’s all about balance. And for the record, I think you are awesome traveling alone with kids on some pretty ambitious trips and inspire me to be a little more independent. Now, I need to get off here and pack for our next trip!
Nancy says
@Jennifer Happy parents definitely make for happy kids. Happy packing and enjoy your next trip!
natasha says
People are too focused on what others are doing. Mind your own business if it doesn’t affect you. You do what works for you, Nancy.
Nancy says
@Natasha Thank you. Social media can be brutal!
Samantha says
We take partial family vacations all the time. And for the same reasons your family does.
It’s too bad people got so judgemental about your family’s choices. Maybe it’s because they don’t travel hack. I bet they’d mind their manners when in person.
Love your blog,
Samantha
Nancy says
Thank you, Samantha!
projectx says
“When you have five people in your family, traveling gets expensive, even using miles and points. It takes so many more resources to get our whole family somewhere vs. just one or two of us.” Well yeah, but for me that just means I need to work harder to earn those points. Instead of several trips where just some of us go, we take fewer trips where we ALL go.
It’s either we all go, or it’s just me and my wife as a getaway to connect without the kids.
With that out of the way… if taking partial family trips is a dynamic that works for you, who cares? Do your thing and enjoy it. It’s not like someone is getting singled out every trip.
Nancy says
@projectx I appreciate your perspective and I’m glad you’re not out to convince me to change my ways! 🙂
Ian says
As just having returned from a trip to Paris with two of my kids (wife and toddler stayed home), I can say we got a *lot* of heat from our extended family for that choice. My wife and I did have some back and forth about the idea, but the big issue turned out to be simply length. Capping it at a week worked for all of us.
My wife *loves* traveling with me. But it is a whole different ball game now with our kids. We did a family trip to Disneyland, which was very fun, but also so stressful and exhausting for her that she isn’t sure she wants to do another entire family vacation again for a while.
I’m already penciling our plans for the next couple years, and I want to take 2 family vacations per year with all of us. But the other ones will probably be 1-on-1 trips with each kid. Some people will think that is insane. But it is what it’s looking like will work for our family.
Nancy says
@Ian I’m sorry that you got grief from your extended family about your trip arrangements. Ugh. Do what works for your family!
Leana says
I honestly can’t believe that total strangers would feel comfortable grilling you on YOUR family travel arrangements. The internet seriously brings out the “obnoxious” in folks. And hey, I’m guilty of that myself on occasion! 🙂
Once I made a huge mistake of walking into “SAHM vs. Working Mom” internet debate. I simply pointed out that everyone should do what works for them. Oh boy. People who have no clue on my family’s dynamics were all of a sudden giving me a patronizing (and unsolicited) advice. Yawn. I’m out of here, girlfriends!
People should seriously mind their own business. If you and your family are fine taking partial vacations, they need to stay out of it. Besides, you didn’t ask for their opinions.
Nancy says
@Leana I always try to avoid online debates of controversial subjects. I never win. If I had any idea that what I had posted would create such backlash, I never would have mmentioned it in my question. Arguing over the internet is exhausting! LOL
Michelle says
I’ve never traveled with just my husband. We always take the kids. However,the kids and I have left my husband home. LOL. He doesn’t have enough vacation time. Last year, I traveled with two of our three children as our middle son was already on a trip visiting the UK. Once kids attend high school and college, it becomes much more challenging planning a family trip. We went to Florida this winter and my son in college could only spend four days with us. It is, what it is. We enjoy the time we do travel together but if we waited for everyone to be available, we’d seldom travel!
Nancy says
@Michelle I have a feeling that as my kids grow older and start college, getting all of us on the same trip will be even more challenging! I’m happy that my husband is supportive of us traveling a bit without him. We don’t go on any extravagant trips without him because I don’t want him to miss out on anything too cool. But he’s happy to see us get out of town, even if he can’t go every time due to work. I know he likes a few days of total silence in the house, LOL.